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Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
