I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
