The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
