I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
