that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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