so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Randomize
