I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
