I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
