no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
