Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
