Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
