How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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