did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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