are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
