OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
