when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Two words: blizzard sex
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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