I feel like I'm in dance class right now
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
