I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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