You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
