I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We got so high we made milksteak
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
