Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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