Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
