we have officially lost it.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
