the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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