I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
