Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
