If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
