Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
