I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
