Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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