that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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