My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
