Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
