he wants to bone in the snuggie
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
