I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My life is pants optional.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
