apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
