Nicole vs. Life
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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