so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
