3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
