i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
