I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
