you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
