I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
