Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
