I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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