he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
