yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
