I could make wine with my vomit
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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