Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
