Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my vag is so smooth its legendary
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
